The funniest part of the week

photo by ocean yamaha

Last night, I was in the Powell’s Home and Garden store, which is a book and gift store for anyone who’s nesting hardcore. I was actually just there to look for good cards, but whatever. No really.  The store is located on Hawthorne, which is a hipster haven. The kind of place where a person can reference an obscure comic book and be assured that at least someone within earshot will know what this person is talking about. The point is this guy came in while I was smelling candles. Shut up, I like to smell things. This guy came wearing a leather jacket, flat top on his head, and straight leg jeans. He walked right up to the woman sitting behind the register and he said:
“I need somethin’ for a girl.”
“Oh?”
“What you got for a pretty girl?”
“Well, what does she do for fun?”
“I dunno.”
“You don’t know. Is this for a sister or mother?”
“Girlfriend.”
“Oh, okay. What do you two do together for fun?”
“Uh. We go out in the mud with my truck.”
“Does she like jewelery?”
“Yeah. She does. You got any chainmail?
“Um, no, I don’t think so.”
“Does she like wine?”
“No, she doesn’t drink.”
“At all?”
“No.”
“What about this bracelet? Do you think she’d like that?”
“No, she wouldn’t like that. She’s like a rich preppy girl.”
“Rich, preppy girl. Okay. Does she take her lunch to work? We have some really cute plaid lunch boxes.”
“She does! She was actually complainin’ ’bout that. She uses a grocery bag. Do you have an ATM in here?”
“No, but we take all major credit and debit cards.”
Silence.
“There’s an ATM a block west at Bank of America.”
“Okay.”
He left and didn’t come back. But that exchange made my frickin’ week. It was like watching characters from Twin Peaks interact with characters from Garden State.